Fixer

Several years ago, our family did some psychological profiling. Can't exactly remember why, but it seems it was during our time of fostering. Anyway, mine revealed me to be a fixer. I desire to fix problems, to make folks happy. I am at extreme unease when people are fighting, bickering or in a 'funk' so to speak.

Great! I am consumed by a need to fix everyone's problems. What a wonderful way to make yourself miserable! You see you can't fix everyone's problems. I can barely fix my own! It's not all bad, I do get a great sense of well being / satisfaction when I am able to help someone. But I must be careful that I am not enabling them to be dependent.

It has created problems in my marriage. If my husband gets a bit too self sufficient, I do not feel needed or even worse abandoned. So I have had to really work on my feelings of self esteem, separating how I feel about me with the actions of others. No easy task and probably one I will be working on for the rest of my life.

Okay, fast forward a bit and regard my involvement with the American Red Cross. Now originally I became involved with this very noble organization (yes, I know they have their problems) because although I had taught CPR for the American Heart Association for about 10 years, I often was requested to also teach first aid. At that time AHA did not offer that option. So I went to the ARC to cross train. I began teaching CPR and first aid with ARC. After 911, I felt I wanted to do more so volunteered on the local (Kosciusko County, Indiana) chapter's disaster team. This was very fulfilling for me personally. I was able to help people and when not doing that, I was involved in trainings, prevention, and public education. I went to many many training sessions to better prepare myself to serve however I may be needed in the event of a disaster.

Besides local fire calls, where I (and the other volunteers) would help families find shelter, food, clothing, and other immediate needs, I was able to help with the floods of Northern Indiana. This, I found to be fulfilling and I derived great pleasure from my involvement.

When we moved, my first contact with the local chapter were a grave disappointment. They seemed to be having problems to the point of possibly closing. I maintained my distance - kind of a wait and see approach. Then came hurricane Katrina. Since I had completed my DSHR certification, allowing me to respond to any national disaster, my phone calls to volunteer where never returned. I was discouraged so decided to check in again with the local chapter. It seemed they were servicing evacuees in our service area, so I gladly went to work.

It would seem there were personnel problems from the start. One of the most prominent volunteers was asked to leave. I understood this as I had personally witnessed and been at the brunt of her rampages against the ARC and the glorifying of herself. But then I also became aware of many, many other problems. The chapter continued to have financial problems, there was internal bickering among volunteers, between board members, and finally with between board members/volunteers and the director.

I continued to teach classes and tried to volunteer as I was able. But things continued to disintegrate. I found myself avoiding ARC calls. I hated to give up on this as I truly believe in the ARC and its mission. However, the local problems were far greater than I had time, energy, capabilities, or desire to fix.

I have invested hundreds of hours in training and work with the ARC and really connect with their mission, now I find it all gone. If I have any future involvement with them, I will need to start over. This decision has taken several months to reach as it has not been made lightly. I just do not have the availability of time to commit to something of this magnitude.

So I guess this is farewell to a chapter of my life. I am sad, but I look forward with anticipation for where God will place me next. What task will He lay before me? You see, He made me like I am for a reason. The Bible says we are made in His image. I am humbled that He gave me this part of His likeness as my gift.

Suracha