About my Father's Business

It has been one busy week and today I am paying the piper. I guess you might say it actually started last Saturday, with a youth party here. We are youth coordinators for the month of March, so that was our first activity. As the party was winding down, we received news of the unexpected death of a man a church.

Sunday was pretty subdued because of the above news. I went to jail - we had a record number come since being in the individual pods. It was a really good service too. We had a memorial service Sunday night for the brother who died.

Monday was my normal home blessing day - Only halfway blessed my home (my bathroom, guest bath, half laundry, kitchen). Oh, went and changed my glasses out - this was a consequence of my own stupidity. I got new glasses, but since I had had so much problems seeing with the previous bi-focals, I decided to get regular, single-vision lense and then a second pair for computer and reading. After all, I always took the glasses off to read anyway - it was a waste of money - or so I thought. You would be amazed at how much you do read just by glancing at things. Well, I couldn't do that. So I went back to the doc to change the lens to bi-focal - Guess What?? The reason I couldn't see was not the bi-focual but my eyes had changed and the script was wrong. Oh, well, that is fixed now.

Tuesday - prep time for teaching. Finished the merit badge on first aid with the boy scouts, attended the committee meeting for B.S. and then went to ACTS class. It was my night to teach and the topic was hallucinogens. It was a really good lesson and I had several comments that it was "for me" from some of the participants. We had a large group again this week - probably about 24.

Wednesday left with our former pastor's wife (age 87 - who I barely knew since we only moved here about a couple years ago and I never knew her husband) to go to Indiana for the funeral. Great weather going. We went to Applebees then decided we didn't want to spend that much on dinner so got up and walked out. She giggled about it the whole trip. Went to the funeral home that night - it was awkward, we knew only the widow and her two daughters out of about 50 people.

Thursday - my daughter dropped my granddaughter off at the hotel - it was so good to see her as I had not seen her all week. Then the funeral and the drive home - AND the horrid storm.

Friday - some visitation for church then we took the youth to Nashville for Spring Fling - we had about 17 go. Got home about 2 am just in time to witness the clean up crew finishing up after a fire on town square.

Saturday - work on varied projects around the house

Sunday - today - crash! didn't go to jail today, slept. My son woke me at 6:10 (church starts at 6!) We went anyway and it was a very sweet presence of the Lord there. Glad I went even though I don't fee real good. Oh, and my hubby left for West Virginia.

Tomorrow is sleep in a bit (hopefully), home blessing and then relax!

Fixer

Several years ago, our family did some psychological profiling. Can't exactly remember why, but it seems it was during our time of fostering. Anyway, mine revealed me to be a fixer. I desire to fix problems, to make folks happy. I am at extreme unease when people are fighting, bickering or in a 'funk' so to speak.

Great! I am consumed by a need to fix everyone's problems. What a wonderful way to make yourself miserable! You see you can't fix everyone's problems. I can barely fix my own! It's not all bad, I do get a great sense of well being / satisfaction when I am able to help someone. But I must be careful that I am not enabling them to be dependent.

It has created problems in my marriage. If my husband gets a bit too self sufficient, I do not feel needed or even worse abandoned. So I have had to really work on my feelings of self esteem, separating how I feel about me with the actions of others. No easy task and probably one I will be working on for the rest of my life.

Okay, fast forward a bit and regard my involvement with the American Red Cross. Now originally I became involved with this very noble organization (yes, I know they have their problems) because although I had taught CPR for the American Heart Association for about 10 years, I often was requested to also teach first aid. At that time AHA did not offer that option. So I went to the ARC to cross train. I began teaching CPR and first aid with ARC. After 911, I felt I wanted to do more so volunteered on the local (Kosciusko County, Indiana) chapter's disaster team. This was very fulfilling for me personally. I was able to help people and when not doing that, I was involved in trainings, prevention, and public education. I went to many many training sessions to better prepare myself to serve however I may be needed in the event of a disaster.

Besides local fire calls, where I (and the other volunteers) would help families find shelter, food, clothing, and other immediate needs, I was able to help with the floods of Northern Indiana. This, I found to be fulfilling and I derived great pleasure from my involvement.

When we moved, my first contact with the local chapter were a grave disappointment. They seemed to be having problems to the point of possibly closing. I maintained my distance - kind of a wait and see approach. Then came hurricane Katrina. Since I had completed my DSHR certification, allowing me to respond to any national disaster, my phone calls to volunteer where never returned. I was discouraged so decided to check in again with the local chapter. It seemed they were servicing evacuees in our service area, so I gladly went to work.

It would seem there were personnel problems from the start. One of the most prominent volunteers was asked to leave. I understood this as I had personally witnessed and been at the brunt of her rampages against the ARC and the glorifying of herself. But then I also became aware of many, many other problems. The chapter continued to have financial problems, there was internal bickering among volunteers, between board members, and finally with between board members/volunteers and the director.

I continued to teach classes and tried to volunteer as I was able. But things continued to disintegrate. I found myself avoiding ARC calls. I hated to give up on this as I truly believe in the ARC and its mission. However, the local problems were far greater than I had time, energy, capabilities, or desire to fix.

I have invested hundreds of hours in training and work with the ARC and really connect with their mission, now I find it all gone. If I have any future involvement with them, I will need to start over. This decision has taken several months to reach as it has not been made lightly. I just do not have the availability of time to commit to something of this magnitude.

So I guess this is farewell to a chapter of my life. I am sad, but I look forward with anticipation for where God will place me next. What task will He lay before me? You see, He made me like I am for a reason. The Bible says we are made in His image. I am humbled that He gave me this part of His likeness as my gift.

Suracha

Fear

What a nightmare trip! I went to Indiana for a funeral on Wednesday and came home yesterday. It was raining when we left, no big deal. However, after passing Louisville, the deluge began. Buckets and sheets pouring from the sky! Visibility immediately went from fair to nothing within seconds. This is not cool when traveling at 70 miles per hour with huge trucks on all sides. Flashers came on and I found the name of Jesus on my lips.

The gut gripping fear eased - immediately. Tension was still there, but that too eased as I continued to call on His name. I was reminded of the disciples in the boat - I knew their feelings of helplessness and fear. Because of hearing their story for years and experiencing the same in my life, in this situation I knew what to do. I didn't waste time trying to figure it out on my own. I just slowed, moved aside and allowed the knowledge of His presence to speak peace - if not to the storm outside, then to the storm inside me. I knew regardless of the storm, His hand was with us.

I remember another similar storm when this was not the case. I pulled over to the side of the road and sat paralyzed in fear. My three babies were with me and I could imagine every horrible thing that could happen to us. So what was different this time? Maybe He has come through so many times that I now KNOW He will be with me. Possibly I am more in-tune with Him right now that He is closer to me (in my mind) than on other occasions. Somehow, I think this latter may be closer to the truth. You see, He doesn't move - but when we fill our lives with lots of clutter and don't have a daily relationship with Him, we don't feel as close.

Think about these earthly relationships. If you need a major favor - who are you most likely to ask? Tom who works at WalMart or Joe, your next door neighbor whom you see and talk with each day as he walks his dog, mowed his lawn when he was sick, or taken a meal to when his wife was ill? It is going to be Joe, the one with whom you have a relationship - not Tom to whom you say hi and exchange pleasantries in the check out lane.

It is no different with Jesus. When you invest in a relationship with Him, when you have a need - you have no qualms with asking - and knowing it will be answered.

Seems that is the 'perfect love' He talks about in His word - the love that casteth out all fear.

Okay, maybe this isn't blog material - Of course I am new to this so I don't really know - but if it helps me think through things and clear things in my mind, I guess it will serve its purpose. And if it stimulates someone else to think through things also (in agreement or disagreement) that's even cooler! ha ha - don't you love that word?

Suracha

Annoying people

How do we react/treat people who annoy us? Okay - so it is a bizarre subject to start with - but it is heavy on my mind now. You see i once knew a dear man who passed away. He truly was a good man. He would do anything to help you. When my husband moved to his town before the rest of our family, he gave him a bookcase for his books (we had not moved all of our furniture). He loved it when his daughter babysat my granddaughter - he would play with her and drive them where ever they needed to go. He was disabled but kept the house spotless and taxied his family everywhere. He worked at little odd jobs around the church taking care of things without being asked (taking out trash, cleaning the baptistry, turning on heaters, etc).
Yet, he could also be so annoying. He would interrupt your conversation to shake your hand, get up and leave several times through the service, making a scene, and just hover. I found this very annoying because I am someone who needs space. I loved his wife dearly, but I would avoid him.

Now he is gone and as I reflect - I am ashamed. His good points truly did outweigh his bad. Why could I not be more tolerant? So what will I do with this? I would like to say, I will NEVER do that again! Ha - I know "me" too well for that. I do hope, though, that I will be more aware of it and try to be more giving. Is it really so hard to look past those little annoyances and give the pleasure a simple smile and handshake give? I pray that when I feel the irritation rising, Jim will be called to my remembrance and not only will I smile and shake the hand, but in my heart I will commit to love this person regardless of their faults (my perception).

I would like to think I was not out and out rude to him. I would smile (did it reach my eyes?) and return his handshake. But if he didn't approach me, I did not approach him. I loved him, but I didn't always like him. I have prayed for forgiveness - I know I have received it. But my part of that is to turn in a different direction. To do differently.

I guess as I said goodbye to him, I must also thank him for teaching me a little more about people. You see, how often do we do this to those we love? There is no question that we do love them, yet, we allow their little idiosyncrasies to rub us the wrong way. Soon we see more of their faults than their good traits - their blessings. We do this to our husbands, children, parents, friends... This list goes on. No one can ever meet our expectations - it isn't a matter of lowering the standard, but of accepting people and their efforts for just that - efforts.

For with what measure you mete, so shall it be measured unto you. Those are strong words. But also merciful words. We don't want to always have to meet someone else's standard. We don't have to be so driven - we can relax and accept people for who they are - unique and precious in God's sight. Should they be any different in ours?

Suracha